What To Know About Reporting Abuse to Authorities and Steps to Take When You Are Ready

Leaving or naming abuse is already an act of courage. Considering reporting it? That’s another layer entirely.

If you’re here, you might be feeling a mix of things: fear, uncertainty, urgency, doubt, maybe even hope. That’s normal. You are about to embark on opening a door where the outcome is not clear. We have helped many clients walk through their own reporting and also supported people who are navigating the aftermath of having reported an incident. One truth that we have learned throughout this work is that there is no clear outcome. Timelines and responses to a report are always different than we could have anticipated.

However, we have found along the way that, especially more recently, law enforcement and the court system have gotten more efficient and attuned to supporting victims through this process. We have often had the joy of seeing it go as best as it possibly could. Even when the process feels overwhelming and uncertain, there are people who get good outcomes in the end. We do believe the system can be a strong support and a safe next step when we use it in the right way.

Reporting abuse can be empowering for some and overwhelming for others. Both can be true. This guide isn’t here to pressure you. It’s here to help you make an informed, supported decision. At Rooted Survivors, we take a stance that no one knows you better than you know yourself. We truly believe that you call the next play, every single time. Especially in therapy, there is no pressure to leave your abuser, file for divorce, or report past incidents. We understand the gravity of these choices and we want you to feel empowered and educated to do so as you are ready, and only in the ways that actually make it safer and are the next best step for you. Everyone's situation is different. We're just here to hold you up through every next choice.

What “Reporting” Actually Means

Reporting abuse can look different depending on your situation. It might involve:

• Filing a police report

• Requesting a restraining or protective order

• Contacting child or dependent adult protective services.

Some people choose to report and some do not. We’ll be honest with you: sometimes reporting feels empowering and supportive; sometimes it feels invasive or ineffective. This is why we want to take the time and space in therapy to determine which options and resources are best fit for your situation.

In certain situations (like when children are involved), professionals may be required to report. As therapists, we are mandated to report any history of, or currently happening, abuse of minors and dependent or elder adults. This includes physical, sexual, neglect, and emotional abuse. Anytime the safety or wellbeing of a minor or an elder is jeopardized, we as professionals do not have a choice. Though we cannot control the system, the intention in reporting is always to increase the safety of those who cannot defend themselves.

Your therapist can speak with you more about what would fall into the buckets of reportable versus non-reportable, but we want you to know that we always aim to defend and support you and your children as best as possible. Even when we have to report, we do not "leave you high and dry." This is a process that we would walk through together, with your input and collaboration in planning how we can increase safety for you and the kids or other family members, ongoing.

Another time that we have to report is when you or any other intended victim is in imminent danger. This means that we would take reasonable steps to safety plan and work together to increase your personal safety or warn any potential victims of any impending danger. We only enact this process when there is a defined plan, means to execute that plan, and a timeline of imminence in the threat of harm. Again, we work with you, not against you, to collaborate and increase safety across the board. This may include involving other family members who can support your safety and potentially engaging law enforcement or emergency services when relevant.

Outside of these Mandated Reports, choosing to report or not report is solely up to you. We honor your process and your needs. There is no "right" timeline for when and how you choose to report.

Before You Report: Pause and Consider

Your safety comes first. Always. We want you to first ask yourself:

• Could this escalate the situation?

• Do I have a plan if the person finds out?

If you feel any inkling of a "yes" to the risk increasing, it is important that we consider that gut check before moving forward with any next steps. We know it can feel overwhelming and uncertain. Maybe you've come to a place where you're asking yourself if you can even trust your gut. We get it. We've sat with many other people in that exact same place. But yes, we are going to trust your gut on this one. It's telling us something based on your experience.

There is a muscle of intuition within you that is strongly trained and very attuned at this point. You know when risk is about to escalate. So this is where we pivot to safety planning before deciding whether or not to report. This might include protecting your digital privacy, identifying a safe place, having important documents ready, or letting a trusted person know what’s happening.

Check in with your readiness. Reporting can be emotionally intense. You may be asked to retell your experience more than once. That can feel validating or re-traumatizing. It helps to be able to sit with a therapist either before or shortly after reporting to support you in sitting with the feelings that are coming up, or to help you review and put your narrative together so that you are more confident and comfortable in turning those details over to authorities.

What Happens When You Make a Report

We'll be honest with you: our team has supported alongside over at least 100 reports at this point, and we have definitely learned that we cannot control or predict how it will play out. However, there are general tenets of what happens in the process of reporting and there are definitely ways that we can brace for the intensity.

Having a therapist who has actually navigated this system in the past puts your comfort, safety, and the likelihood of good outcomes 100 steps ahead of doing it all by yourself. Every therapist at Rooted Survivors has firsthand experience in reporting and has worked in navigating the California legal systems throughout their career.

Here's what we want to prepare you for when you choose to make a report:

• Sharing your narrative of events with an officer or professional

• Being asked follow-up questions

• Possible evidence collection

• Follow-through investigations

Survivors who are supported by being able to anticipate the next steps are significantly more prepared and also less negatively impacted by the toll that reporting can take. Once a report is made, you may not have full control over what happens next. We can, however, help you to understand and buffer the emotional load that may come with follow-through.

Possible Outcomes (Including the Hard Ones)

There isn’t one guaranteed result. This is why it is vital for you to have a place to land where you can talk through your process and have someone in your corner to help you shoulder the decisions you may have to make. Uncertainty can be one of the hardest parts.

Outcomes can include:

• No action due to lack of evidence

• An ongoing investigation

• Arrest or charges

• Court involvement

• A protective order being granted or even denied

The Emotional Reality of Reporting

People don’t talk about this enough. You might find that you feel relieved and then suddenly overwhelmed; empowered and then full of doubt; validated or deeply dismissed.

Systems aren’t always trauma-responsive. It is important to remember that the emotions that you are feeling are valid 100% of the time. To surround yourself with people who believe your experience and come alongside you in the swing of different emotions is something that you deserve. Even within systems, you have rights. You are allowed to:

• Ask questions about the process

• Request a support person or advocate

• Take breaks if you’re overwhelmed

• Understand what’s happening, not just be moved through it

If You’re Not Ready to Report

That matters too. Not reporting can be a valid, protective choice, especially if your safety could be at risk. We understand that some survivors choose to stay in situations because making a move to report or break away from an abuser could significantly increase their risk. We trust that you know how to navigate your next choices in the ways that both honor and protect you most.

You do not have to wait for therapy or support until you are ready to report or have already left the relationship. A lot of the work that we do: using tools like EMDR and DBT: is sitting with survivors and supporting them in building their ability to safely leave a situation. It can take years before you are in a place where it is physically and emotionally safe to bring your abuser to justice. There is no pressure to accelerate this process. Being in therapy can support you in finding "micro" ways to increase your safety or set healthy boundaries. This is valuable and gives you an emotional lifeline to rely on.

You Get to Decide What Comes Next

There is no “right” way to handle abuse. There is only what is safest and most supportive for you. Whether you report now, later, or never: your experience is real. And you deserve support in whatever path you choose.

Sit with us today so that we can both understand your unique situation and help you in determining the best next steps. We want to walk alongside you so you can get the support you actually need and stop being alone in this process. You don’t have to navigate this alone.